Did it ever happen to you to be with somebody who is pouring out to you, telling you all their frustrations, all their sorrows, their pain and suffering, and after listening to them, after trying to comfort and make them feel better, you realize that something is not right. You are now feeling anxious, you are feeling down, and you are in a state of discomfort.
This happened to me recently, and I was in this state for almost a week. I wasn’t sure what was going on until I shared with a friend of mine the conversation I had with this person, and she made me aware of the fact that I took all the negative energy from her.
Before that, I could not understand what is happening to me, I could not understand my behavior at all. The way I was acting, the way I was feeling… It was not right, it was not me. I had days when things went wrong, and maybe I was cranky for an hour or two, but not a week.
The Way We See the Problem Is the Problem
It’s incredible how much negative energy was accumulated in this person, and how, by trying to comfort her, by listening to her, I got it all for myself. Lucky me. It is said that the stronger energy always wins, and in this case, her energy won. This person was filled with bitterness, anger, frustration and a whole lot of pain.
It’s really interesting to observe this kind of behavior. I do this all the time, with myself and also with those around me. I observe my behavior and the way I interact with people. I observe my feelings and of those around me, trying to understand why is it that we do what we do.
I try to observe the way we respond to external stimuli, and what I have noticed is that many of us don’t take the time to pause between the stimulus and the response, not knowing that in that space lies our opportunity for growth.
We choose to react and that is why many of us, later regret what they have said and done, not understanding how they could say or do such a stupid thing. This is who we are. Some are more evolved than others. Some people understand that within them lies the possibility for growth, and that they are responsible for everything that happens to them, while others choose to blame everybody for their unhappiness.
They choose to blame it on their parents, their family, their country, the stars, the moon, the black cat that just crossed the street, on their bad luck and so on.
When I talk about all these things I am also referring to this person. Of course, you will feel miserable when you see the world as your enemy. Of course, you are frustrated, when all that you are doing is putting your attention on those things and people that make you unhappy.
When you are waiting for the world to change, so that you could feel better about yourself, of course, there can’t be any peace in your heart. It is so hard for me to understand this kind of thinking, if not impossible.
This is so wrong. Why would anybody choose to give all their power away to other people, invisible forces, external forces, situation and so on? You can’t expect the whole world to change for you to be happy. It doesn’t make any sense. I hear this so often: “If only this will change, if only my mother will be like this, if only my partner will be more patient and kind, if only I was smarter, if only I was born in a different era, if only my cat had wings and my pig could speak…”
This is all crazy talk. The world is perfect just the way it is.
“Do you want to improve the world? I don’t think it can be done. The world is sacred. It can’t be improved. If you tamper with it, you’ll ruin it. If you treat it like an object, you’ll lose it.” ~ Lao Tzu
The only one that needs to change here is you. You, and only you! Let go of the need to change the world and start changing yourself and your perception of the world. Change the way you look at things, people, and situations.
Take responsibility for what you are and for how you choose to think about the world. Take responsibility for what you are feeling and for what you are experiencing in your life. Know that where focus goes energy flows, and when you are putting all your attention on what is wrong, with you, and around you, of course, you will attract more situations of this kind.
It is said that we have around 60, 000 thoughts per day and most of these thoughts are negative and repetitive. We tend to dwell more on the negative things rather than the positive and this is how we create problems for ourselves.
This is how our problems are born. The way we choose to see the problem is the problem. Change your thinking and you will definitely change your life.
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely.” ~ Emerson
~love, Luminita💫
Comments
Luminita D. Saviuc
Luminita is the Founder and Editor in Chief of PurposeFairy.com and also the author of 15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy: An Inspiring Guide to Discovering Effortless Joy. For more details check out the 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Book Page.
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12 Comments
M
at 9:06 pm
OMG, I cut my relationship with a friend because of this. She seemed to be very happy and nice in crowds, but when we would sit alone, she would pour out in in aggressive, bitter, unhappy way complaining about everything in her life. My behavior, view of my life changed so much because of her complains. Then, there was time that it had to stop…I was not me anymore…I was feeling her feelings and looking at people differently. And, now I understand, her negative personality and energy had taken over my positive happy one. I am so glad she is gone.
David
at 8:26 pm
Before I judge another person and say they stole my happiness meaybe I should investigate my own actions and see if they have been negative and whether the other person crticized me in the same way and to also see if I really understand the the reason the person may truly be hurting. It is simply called wailking a mile in the other persons shoes. If a person is dying of cancer, I can simply say be grateful they have pain meds for you and clear my concious or I can say I know it hurts but can I do something to help. Negative is not always negative sometimes it is simply a person trying to express true problems to someone they trust in hopes of understanding it is quite possible to hurt the other person worse and they may quitely take it and walk away
bb
at 6:51 pm
I agree with your conclusion that we must focus on changing ourselves. However, you began this post “blaming” another person’s negative energy (taking on all of their negative energy) on your week of feeling negativity? How do you suggest avoiding taking on other people’s negative energy? Thanks. bb
Mary
at 3:20 pm
How does one avoid overthinking and overanalyzing everything? Sometimes I feel like I create my own obstacles by doing so. I waste time thinking too much and not doing enough and allow my fear to talk me out of it.
Elizabeth Peterson
at 5:46 am
I knew this..but was not very aware of it till now. It’s human to see the negative, not the positive, and I can’t imagine why, but so true. Great article. Thanks.
Gillie Davies
at 11:53 pm
Wise words, well presented. Thanks a great reminder.
Anon
at 8:54 pm
Hi, a question for Miri – where are you doing those classes, just curious, it’s probably nowhere near me, but i wonder what they are called and where they are available?
Thanks
Anne Heyes
at 6:49 pm
I have a friend who has been angry and a complainer for years. When I ask how his day has been he goes on forever (it seems) on every little detail
I have decided to never ask again….and sending this to him would be a waste. He would find fault at this as well
Thanks Purpose Ferry
danaadmin
at 3:41 pm
Dot, I remember first seeing and hearing this on an interview with Oprah and Eckhart Tolle and after that I came into contact with it a few more times but as far as the actual study I do not have the exact data but I promise to do some digging and get back to you 🙂
Nancy
at 3:12 pm
Great post. I so needed this today. And that comment, “98 to 99% of our thinking is repetitive and a lot of it is very negative” that was made for me today. I have been going over in my head all the things that went wrong with my day yesterday. I’m on repeat, negative repeat. There’s nothing I can do to change the events. I can only move forward with today.
Dot
at 3:10 pm
Nice post, gives a lot to think about. Do you have the reference for the study you write about? Would love to see the actual research. “Psychologists have found that 98 to 99% of our thinking is repetitive and a lot of it is very negative.”
Miri
at 2:52 pm
I have been taking classes the last few months, aimed at awareness and self improvement and growth. A lot of what you wrote here goes right along with those classes. Love it!