Give Up Your Self Defeating Self Talk

The next thing from our list of 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy is to learn and to understand why you should give up your self defeating self talk because just like Eckhart Tolle said it,

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive”

and that is exactly why we need to shift from destruction to creating happiness and creating a brand new life, a brand new life for ourselves.

When alone with your own self, what are the things you tell yourself and most important, how do these things make you feel?

“He who would be useful, strong, and happy must cease to be a passive receptacle for the negative, beggarly, and impure streams of thought; and as a wise householder commands his servants and invites his guests, so must he learn to command his desires and to say, with authority, what thoughts he shall admit into the mansion of his soul.” ~ James Allen

Self Defeating Self Talk

What are the thoughts that run through your mind? Are they kind, loving and empowering, or are they full of negativity, remorse, and judgments?

Why is this important? Well, because you are a special human being and because the way you talk to your own self will determine the quality of your life, the quality of your relationships and the level of your happiness. Do you know what self-love is all about? Do you understand the importance of it all, or do you just think it’s nonsense?

I know it may sound strange, but most of us have no clue what self-love is really all about and in a way it’s normal because if you think about it, many of us were taught to see this act of self-love as “egotism.”

We were raised in a way that taught us to look for love and approval all around us. We were told that we should love our family, friends, and many of the people who are present in our lives, but we were never told that we need to love ourselves first in order to be able to truly love all these other people.

We were not taught how to accept ourselves completely, how to treasure our own divinity, to love and embrace who we are and how to seek to please ourselves first before pleasing everybody else.

“Having a low opinion of yourself is not “modesty”. It’s self-destruction. Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not “egotism”. It’s a necessary precondition to happiness and success.” ~ Bobbe Sommer

And all of this takes me to the point I want to make. Whenever you have a conversation in your mind with yourself, and whenever you hear your self-defeating and negative thoughts going louder and louder against you, telling you all kind of horrible things about yourself and about your own life, you might want to pause for a minute and ask yourself this question:

If my best friend would dare talk to me the way I talk to myself right now, will I still want to be friends with this person?

And really think about it. See what answer comes to mind and how that answer makes you feel.

By doing so, you will become more aware of the pain you are causing to the most important person in your life, the person you should love the most, and that is YOU!

When you ask yourself questions like this one and when you start observing these crazy thoughts running through your mind, you will become more aware of the toxicity you are pouring into your system every time you have the self defeating self talk with yourself, you will be more aware of the thought that goes through your mind, and eventually you will shift and you will manage to turn your negative and toxic thoughts into really positive and powerful ones.

By doing so, your life will start to change little by little, and you will be happier, your relationships with your friends and family will improve and the quality of your life also.

You have so many people who love you and I am sure you want to share with them your love, but how can you give love to other people when you can’t give love to yourself, right? It all starts with making sure that we are happy and once we are happy, we will know how to share our happiness with those around us

It is very important for us to realize the power of our thoughts and the impact they have on the quality of our lives and how they are actually affecting the level of our happiness, and once that will happen, we will pay closer attention to the thought that run through our mind and to the things that we tell ourselves  on a regular basis.

This whole transformation process won’t happen overnight that’s for sure, but it will eventually happen and we need to learn how to be patient with ourselves, loving, kind and always supportive, no matter what.

~love, Luminita💫



Luminita D. Saviuc

Luminita is the Founder and Editor in Chief of and also the author of 15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy: An Inspiring Guide to Discovering Effortless Joy. For more details check out the 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Book Page.

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  • Gillie Davies

    at 11:30 pm

    Very powerful article, thanks

  • Catherine Vanlandingham

    at 2:03 pm

    Really good! I enjoyed all of it! Thank you! Be Blessed!

  • Lucy

    at 5:34 pm

    This is something I need to read daily. I am having such a hard time getting the negative thoughts out of my head. When I do stay positive, I feel better physically and mentally. Thank you for this article.

  • Kaz

    at 11:09 am

    I think that is a great idea, Kathi. I will try to start every day with a good saying/thought. I hate my job, so sometimes it is difficult to start the day in a positive frame of mind, even though I am by nature a very positive person. I suppose the real trick is to hold the positive thought through out the whole day…!

  • kathi

    at 7:04 pm

    I use affirmations every day. “I am happy” “I am love” “I am peace”, etc. and they work. These along with my Reiki practice, the precepts especially, really help. No longer do I dwell in negativity. I turn it around as soon as it appears. I sometimes wonder why I ever went there to begin with. Being happy is so much better. Love yourself. Be love. So simple.

  • danaadmin

    at 6:55 am

    That is such a great insight Dave, for it’s exactly what most of us do. When we are at peace with ourselves, we act in a loving way towards others, but when we are unhappy, we tend to project that on to others 🙂

  • Dave

    at 4:00 pm

    This is so true, and when I get self destructive I find myself criticizing others to make myself feel better..not good


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