“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?” ~ Abraham Lincoln

Love and hate are perhaps the two most powerful emotions in existence. They hit you when you least expect it and they can have a lasting, sometimes damaging, effect on our lives. Often we cannot have one without experiencing the other, and sadly, they can also co-exist when dealing with those closest to us.

So how do we learn to detach ourselves from hatred, especially when we are living with this inner rage on a daily basis?

It’s difficult.

People come and go. Joy turns into sadness. A destination can become a derailment.

When love turns sour; when our opinion of another person changes for the worse, it kicks us in the stomach and the overwhelming feeling that is left behind is a mixture of self-doubt and inner turmoil.

This doesn’t have to be the case.

We always live life in the present. What has happened before isn’t necessarily what will happen in the future. The only time is now, and you have the perfect opportunity in choosing how to use your emotional energy effectively.

Are you going to allow the past to kick your ass?

Are you going to blame yourself when something doesn’t work out?

Are you going to drag the hatred for your past mistakes along with you?

Luckily, we all have the capacity to say no. Failure is nothing but feedback. The path we take from this point forwards is entirely of our own design.

There is a simple and effective method for burying the past and eliminating your hatred; acceptance.

Letting go of your negativity and learning how to accept every waking moment, good or bad, is the only way to truly move forwards. Here are 6 ways in which you can channel your hatred for another person into a positive outcome that will serve you well in the future.

1. They are an inspiration

I often look back at my past to find the inspiration I need to move forwards. Relationships that ended on bad terms, friends I have fallen out with and even former employers who have treated me unfairly; there is knowledge to be gained. The beauty of hindsight is that it is freely available to all of us and we can use it as a barometer to check if we are currently doing the right thing.

2. You will learn to develop a stronger frame

These people are emotional vampires; we allow them to suck and drain away our positive energy. Whoever has the stronger frame is often the person who comes away from these interactions with their emotions intact. Be that person. Focus on who you are and behave with integrity. Do not allow yourself to be dragged down to their level. With practice, you will remain strong in the face of adversity.

3. Direct your anger towards a positive outcome

It’s easy to wallow in self-pity when dealing with your past but instead of playing the victim and letting your hatred get the better of you, learn to direct your anger and your hurt towards something you are passionate about. Many people will use hatred as an excuse but you’re better than that. Use it to fuel change. Negativity is your slingshot to a positive future.

4. Use them as a reminder of how far you’ve come

Holding onto negativity is a sure way to fall back into old habits. Acceptance is the only way to banish these feelings forever. Memories make us who we are and are and help create the person that stares back in the mirror each day. By accepting your past, both the good and the bad, you’re allowing yourself the opportunity for present and future happiness.

5. Conflict is a two-way process

We often attach blame to other people. It’s a natural instinct that we use to protect our ego and to blindly carry on as if we are somehow perfect. Obviously, this is not reality. 99% of the time, any conflict we have with another person is partly our fault. Recognizing the flaws in ourselves as well as in others is the first step towards humility and a healthier mind.

And finally; always remember…

6. A broken bridge can always be fixed

You may feel resentment towards someone right now but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to love them in the future. Time is always a great healer. The human brain is capable of immense compassion and forgiveness. We all make mistakes and we all deserve a second chance. Allow the possibility of reconciliation and notice the weight that lifts from your shoulders.

** How do you deal with the past? Are there any tips that you would like to share to help those who may be struggling with letting go? Please share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂


Jamie Flexman

Jamie Flexman is a guitar teacher, writer, and blogger from Bournemouth, England. After choosing to quit the typical 9-5 existence, he created www.psycholocrazy.com to document his thoughts and struggles as he forges his own path in life. You can also connect with Jamie on Facebook and Google+

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