How do you deal with death, the loss of a loved one when the pain is so strong? How can you let go of the people you once loved and still love so much? How can you accept the fact that you will never see those people ever again?
How can you accept the idea of loss, of death?
It’s not always easy to let go of the people who are so dear to us but it doesn’t have to be hard either. Looking at things from a different perspective can help us experience miracles in our lives, can help us understand life and death, and can help us realize how everything happens in perfect and Divine order.
7 Ways to Deal With the Death of a Loved One
1. Life is stronger than death
This beautiful and powerful quote says it all:
“Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.” ~ Unknown
2. Ignorance and fear of death overshadows life
We come to this world alone and we leave alone. And the same applies for every single human being on this Planet.
Accepting the idea that nothing lasts forever and dwelling upon it as frequently as possible will help us deal with the death of those close to us and why not, with our own death, in a really positive and peaceful manner.
“Thinking and talking about death need not be morbid; they may be quite the opposite. Ignorance and fear of death overshadow life, while knowing and accepting death erases this shadow.” ~ Lily Pincus
3. We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience
Death is not the end. As human beings, we are taught to trust more in those things that can be touched, felt, smelled, and seen. But there are things that can’t be seen and they too exist.
There is a world out there that is not visible to the naked eye. A very powerful world, a world that we all originate from and a world where we return the moment we leave our physical bodies.
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ~ Teilhard de Chardin
4. Returning to our Source
Just imagine how in the first 9 months of life ,when you are in your mother’s womb, you are being offered all the nourishment you need. All the love and all the care that is necessary for your growth and survival is being offered.
Why wouldn’t the same thing apply after death?
“Each separate being in the universe returns to the common source. Returning to the source is serenity. If you don’t realize the source, you stumble in confusion and sorrow. When you realize where you come from, you naturally become tolerant, disinterested, amused, kindhearted as a grandmother, dignified as a king. Immersed in the wonder of the Tao, you can deal with whatever life brings you, and when death comes, you are ready.” ~ Lao Tzu
5. Death is part of life
We should celebrate the loss of a loved one just as we celebrate the birth of them. I am sure that the people who were once on this planet, the people we loved and still love so much, would want us to remember the many beautiful and precious moments we spent with them and focus on that and nothing else.
Would you want your family to be sad and unhappy once you leave this world, or would you want them to continue to enjoy life and treasure every moment they have left on this planet? Think about it…
“Death is beautiful when seen to be a law, and not an accident – It is as common as life.” ~Henry David Thoreau
6. Accept and embrace your grief
When somebody you love leaves this world, you feel like the end of the world has come. And if you think about it is a lot like the end of the world. The end of the world as you know it; the end of the world for you and this beautiful person.
Now you will be living in a completely different world. A new world where they will no longer be part of your life, at least not physically. But that doesn’t mean they are no longer with you.
It’s okay to cry.
Feel the pain, embrace it, live it and when you’re ready, know that it’s okay to let go so you can heal and continue living your life.
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief… and unspeakable love. ” ~ Washington Irving
7. Let go
Grieving is part of the healing process and it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to cry but keep in mind that life goes on. And if you can’t find the inner strength to let go and come back to life you will miss many precious moments with many of the people that are still alive and who want to share their love with you.
It can be really dangerous to dwell in the pain for too long. And if you get stuck, not only you will miss out on life, feeling depressed and unhappy, but you will also create a lot of pain for the many beautiful people that are still present in your life.
Letting go doesn’t mean you forget about them. It just means that you’re ready to continue your journey and live the life you came here to live…
“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” ~Author Unknown
You are not alone. This too shall pass.
I wrote this piece when my grandfather passed away in the hope that it will bring some peace and comfort those who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. I didn’t even have time to see him before he died. He was such a beautiful soul, always happy, always cheerful and always full of jokes.
I really loved him!
I always enjoyed being around him because of his pure and radiant energy. When I found out that he left this world, a feeling of peace, immense love, and a sort of bliss came over me. I was not saddened but rather at peace, because deep down inside I knew he knowing that he found peace and joy as he has returned in the arms of his beautiful wife – my grandmother, who died many years ago.
R.I.P grandpa and thank you for sharing your beautiful presence with us all. I know you are watching over us all and I am really grateful for all the beautiful lessons I have learned from you.
~love, Luminita💫
If you know other ways you can deal with the loss of a loved one in a positive manner, feel free to share it bellow, chances are that many people will benefit from it.
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Luminita D. Saviuc
Luminita is the Founder and Editor in Chief of PurposeFairy.com and also the author of 15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy: An Inspiring Guide to Discovering Effortless Joy. For more details check out the 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Book Page.
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20 Comments
Jen
at 10:27 pm
(Sorry I hit “Send” before I completed my post)
I travelled to my parents’ home to get Hospice in place for my mother. She has a disease which has no cure and is declining quickly. She does not have long to live. I don’t know if I have the strength to deal with the death of a son and a mother within the span of a few months…
Jen
at 10:23 pm
Thank you so much for this article and these posts. My dear son died June 13, 2012. It will be 12 weeks on September 5, which also would have been his 32nd birthday.
He died of a drug overdose. He had been clean for the longest period of his life and then just went out and used once again. He never regained consciousness and we discontinued his life support after 5 days. The brain damage left him virtually brain dead on the MRI and EEGs. That was a gut-wretching decision to have to make and a part of me died with him. My heart is broken.
As I write this post I am sitting in my parents’ home which is across the country from my own. I travelledhere
danaadmin
at 6:11 pm
There is a really beautiful quote from Lao Tzu that goes liek this, By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning. How true is that?
Diane
at 4:04 pm
Thanks for the post, I have lost my Mother and two brothers within a 9 year span, my recent loss was my brother who was paralized for 24 years, my life was revolved around him and I am having a difficult time getting out of bed, especially with an 8 year old, she really needs me now and i have been given signs saying so. I am just hoping this passes with time as the with loosing the other members of the family, i feel alone and scared and I have no reason, since i have my husband and my daughter, we moved in with my brother a year ago to help take care of him and now i am reminded of him daily, some days it takes its toll on me, going through his room i feel as if i’m putting his things out and it just isn’t sitting right with me, i understand why my mother’s home sits just as it did before she died 9 years ago, it’s just too hard for my dad to remove these things, oh god help me get a grip on all of this it’s very painful…..
Juliet
at 3:19 pm
When this blog first came out, I had just lost a very dear aunt. I didn’t have time to read it then but swore I’d come back to it. Then I couldn’t find it. I looked for two days ending in last night falling asleep with my iPad under my face. :-). Thank goodness my 5 year old daughter came into my room wondering why my light was still on.
This morning it was the first thing that showed up in my newsfeed.
But, I digress.
Dealing with my aunt’s passing did bring a lot of memories and a lot more humbling epiphanies for me. She was and is a wonderful person who shared more of her presence than her words.
What struck me most was when I realized my aunt’s passing triggered all of the painful emotions I had when my mom had passed 17 years ago. I never really let go of the pain, regret and self blame I associated with that time.
Your post echoed the conclusion my heart had finally come to: let go, just let go. Forgive yourself your regrets and let love fill in the gaps. Celebrating their passing doesn’t mean you’re happy they’re gone. It means you’re happy they found their way home again.
colleen Makl
at 11:08 pm
I lost my youngest child “Becca Boo” last march. Becca was born blind and with Cerebral Palsy and was confined to a wheelchair. Although the Dr.s said she would not make it much past 2 -3 years of age she passed away at home in her sleep at 19 yrs. I take comfort in the fact that she lived a happy full life. Regrets I have none!. Although My life is a struggle of restructure, trying to fill up my days that were previously spent caring for her, I know deep in my soul she would want me to get up and get on with it. Most of all she taught us to treasure each day in the face of adversity and treasure what some may call the little things. She was most upset by someone crying , rather it be on T.V. or in her presence. I remember this and remind her siblings when the flood gates open. Remember when is our favorite thing to do!
Steve Sierra
at 12:31 am
Hi, I’m currently in the Philippines for the U.S. Peace Corps teaching English in Olongapo City, Zambales Province. Earlier this year my Grandfather died. What I did to share my memory of him to others was write a blog post of him and what I did here to cope. At the time I found a spot that makes great pancakes and I had a few cakes in his honor. I know have those same cakes for my honor as well. ha ha.
Maria
at 2:47 pm
One of my closest friends died suddenly in May. I allowed my self to feel the grief fully for about a month and, after that, some new ways of dealing with this loss start manifesting in my life:
1) I felt like he became one of my guardian angels
2) When doing an activity he liked or going to a place he loved, I could feel his presence, I could feel him enjoying the experience with me
3) I start making jokes with him and laughing with him at things he would have found funny
Cindy
at 1:40 pm
I lost my husband of 40 years at the beginning of March. He lived 30 days from the time he was diagnosed. It seemed to all happen so suddenly. We really loved each other and it seemed like we had always been together. Now that he’s gone, I’m trying to find my way without him. Trying to figure out who I am, without him. It’s hard. I’m crying when the pain builds and my heart feels like it going to bust. I cry when I listen to music. Music was such a big part of our lives. Some days I cry off and on all day, because I just wake up sad. But overall, I’m doing OK. I’m moving forward through it. Allowing the tears to come when they need to. Tears allow healing to take place everytime. I now have some good days and sometimes two in a row. My husband was always such a bright and sunny person, he loved the sunrise, the promise of a new day. I have to remember that. Each new day, the sunrise holds new promise. I recently found out, that I have a new grandbaby due at Christmas and my daughter is getting married in the fall. Both are beautiful sunrises in my life.
Kathleen
at 7:03 pm
Talk about him. He will always live in her heart. People are afraid to talk about the one that was lost because of the pain it may cause to the bereaved. When my son died, my greatest fear is that he would be forgotten . It has been eight years. He lives in me and is talked about ….all the fun, problems, love, etc..
Peggy
at 5:43 pm
We have just been told that my husband of 29 years has week maybe months left. This is extremely sudden, and while I amgetting a lot of thing done, I cannot stop crying. People come and tell me about their cousin Earl who dropped dead, as if that will help. My husband played a key role in our business, and that work falls on me. Everything he did around the house , dogs, etc falls on me. And I already work 12 hours/day 6 days/ week to keep the business running. Some say , just quit and stay home….well, where is the money to come from to pay these skyrocketing bills? This is a catastrophe on many levels, and I cannot get it all together. And I am heartbroken that I am losing my soul mate, most of all.
Teresa A. Cooper
at 5:21 pm
I look at life differently after losing my loved ones. I found that life is about mostly two things, Stimulation for your body and Manipulation for your mind. I have found a lot of comfort in words and how they are manipulated in a systematic way such as (Your Heart goes back to the earth.) You take the H away and you move it to the end of the word earth and that is how life starts and that is how it ends. I think it is the same for everyone but the circumstances surrounding the event is different for everyone, I also see spirituality different as well. I see a lot of things as symbolisms in things and themes that people follow to buy and sell things. I see things from a different perspective and a lot of things are in the middle in a lot of ways. Being in nature around trees and natural things helps with a natural idea as death is. Everything on our planet is born of a idea.
Anita
at 4:48 pm
Thank you for this timely post. I have a stepdaughter who is still grieving the loss of her mother.
David
at 3:50 pm
Accepting the inevitable makes life easier. I have planned my passing and it will be a celebration of my life with a lot of fun music and laughter.
I am an atheist and believe that Mother Nature is the boss.
I have booked a comedian/musician/friend to “do the honours” at my funeral
I am comfortable now.
David
Tracy Gresty
at 3:08 pm
My condolences to you in your loss and thank you for helping others. I just spent this week taking vacation time to stay home for once. Something I haven’t done in years. I did that to go through boxes I have accumulated in my house over the years. Some were boxes I had shipped from my fathers home out of state when he died a little over 2 years ago. Two months later my grandfather passed away and last fall my grandmother. I had boxes with old photos, birthday cards and so many memories from each of them. I spent my week working a little at a time. I cried but I also laughed and smiled looking back and realizing what part each one played in my life in who I am. I relived so many memories that brought joy to my life. My home is filled with little things from each that gives me a feeling of joy. I believe that I will see them again one day and I hope my children and grandchildren miss me just as much because that will mean I was very special to them. It does take time to grieve and I made scrap books of old photos and I have done something special in their honor on birthdays or holidays. I give blood on my dads birthday because he was a blood donor, I make certain foods on holidays because my grandma did and I try to keep my lawn nice like my grandfather did and when I do these things I am teaching my children some of the same values along with anything special I do that they will remember me for. It was amazing to find this email after spending this week remembering those I’ve lost and moving forward with my own life. Thank you!!
Jane
at 12:01 pm
Thank you very much for this beautiful post. My husband of 37 years died the end of April after a long and painful illness. One of the things that has helped me is looking at photos of him and us, his family, when he was well and vibrant. Another is keeping a journal of positive and uplifting things I come across, inspirational articles and quotes, to refer to in the down times. And this article going right in there. Also talking to him helps. Thanks again, I wish Deep Peace to your Grandpa and all those who love him.
David J. Singer
at 9:23 am
Dana:
You have my condolences on the loss of your grandfather and my admiration at the way you are using the experience to once again help others. This is a beautiful and well thought out post.
I attended the funeral of my good friend’s dad yesterday. There was great sadness, but also wonderful memories shared and powerful sentiments expressed including something I try to always remember: that the deceased live forever in those of us who were touched by them.
Best regards,
David
rosebeth
at 8:05 am
my close friend lost her son. i didnt attend burial but i went to see him at the morgue. shes coming to visit me today. want do i tell to avoid hurting her??
Sam BR
at 4:24 am
Death teaches you to deal with loss & embrace a new “normal”. While the person you love is torn away, we learn to live without them & find a new life (new normal) in their memory.
Kristal
at 2:22 am
Write them letter or notes. When I lost my grandmother many years ago, the last time I saw her was in a hospital bed. The next time I saw her was in an urn. I was not there when she passed and it was difficult for to accept that she was gone from this world. A dear friend suggested I write her a letter to tell her how much I loved her and to say good bye, so I could have some closure. Although it did not take away my grief, it was helpful. Maybe this will be helpful to others too.